Just a couple of days ago, one of my hard discs had a problem.. My laptop was not able to detect it. Inspite of trying every which way possible, it flashed the same message over and over again. That was 'the disc' which literally had all the photographs, videos we had taken till date. All pictures from the when I first met Lokesh.. our engagement.. marriage.. family.. outings..our kids.. our house.. Everything.. Just the very thought of not being able to see any of that ever again made me feel sick.. I was heartbroken.. and almost lost the will to do anything else.. I shared this with Lokesh but his reaction was totally different. I almost pressed the panic button but decided to give one last try.. And yes! the disc was accessible.. It was one of my happiest moments.. It meant so much to me.. Now I could watch my kids.. their first cry, first smile, their first steps.. all the fun I had with them.. But, first things first! And that was to take a backup!!
But, not having acces to all these precious memories.. all those major milestones in my life.. the very possibility that all would be lost ! Yet, I was telling myself, I have experienced it.. I was there.. I remember so many things vividly.. but, possibility of not being able to see it ever again.. got me thinking.. What is it that really matters in the end??
I am that one person who will hold on to soooo many things.. I mean it.. I have so many things I associate with.. and are very close to my heart.. A few things I have saved are right from my school days..
In my school we had a 'Prayer Book'.. thats right.. we did! It had prayers from ganesh stuti to ek onkar satnam to bismillah and zoroastrian verses.. and after every verse followed the meaning.. Just going through that book.. I am actually in my school.. in the prayer hall.. Our vice principal conducted the prayers. She had a lovely voice.. Once the prayers were over, there would be a news bulletin and speeches. We always thanked the lord before leaving for our respective classrooms..
I have an autograph book, in which all my teachers have written a small piece of advise for me. It feels so good to go through it once in a while.. I also have a scrap book in which my friends wrote about themselves and me.. I have my very first ID card from my 10th Exams.. I have so many letters from my cousins, friends.. and I feel they are a part of me.. A small but important part of my life.. and reading them always brings back fond memories. It enables me to look back at who I was..
I have my grandfather's watch which he wore every single day.. I have my mother's kangan and earrings which I use daily..I have my father's wallet with his initials on it which I use regularly.. I have my sister's laptop which I am sure I can never give away.. My lovely grandmother-in-law presented me her favourite sarees which I shall always treasure..
One might think that all these are material things which I am associating with.. And I agree! All these things are external to us.. and they do have their own shelf-life.. But inspite of that, I feel, they are invaluable.. And that is because they belonged to the person who really matters to me.. It is that bond with the person that makes it special.. And I guess it is these relationships which we have with our family, close friends.. and the way we develop them.. maintain them.. that matter.. These bonds which keep us together irrespective of distance, age, or gender that really matter.. And I feel having these things with me is my way of cherishing these fond memories associated to the people who matter the most!
Intrestingly I came across this very lovely thought just a few days ago.
In the end, what matters most is how well you lived, how well you loved, and how well you learned to let go.